What a family, right?
I feel like after people have met my family they understand me so much better. Ha! Not quite sure why that is other than they are the people I have the most history with. My "story" so to speak would not be complete without them in it and I could not accurately tell it without including them. They are a part of who I am. I love them all.
I have noticed that my family can bring out the best and the worst in me. I haven't fully grasped this concept to be honest, maybe some of you can relate. There are times that these people make me laugh hysterically, till I am in pain on the floor from so much laughing, and there are other times that they absolutely bring out the monster in me.
I often struggle with having a bad attitude.
This is something I have struggled with my whole life. No, it is not who I am! I will not accept that. That is not who God created me to be. I have realized that and am constantly trying to live a life always showing God's love, which cannot be blended with a bad attitude. However, I have found that as much good my family brings me, they are often the very people to bring out the worst in me.
I remember coming back from college, where I was this happy, loving, fun person, and come home in that mind set, but before I knew it I was being snappy, short, and crabby. I hated it! I didn't understand how I could be that way toward the people that I love the most, but it did. I couldn't figure out what in the world was wrong with me!
Was I being fake in front of my friends?
Was my family a bad influence?
No on both accounts.
As much as my family is a part of who I am, they are a huge part of who I was.
We all change, change is a good thing. We grow and mature and hopefully become more wise with years. As we all change, our family still sees us as the person they grew up fighting over the bathroom with, or purposefully annoying on long car rides. They see us as the person we were, not always acknowledging the person we have become. Sure they see we have changed, but they know who we were, where we have come from, and that is always in their mind as they interact with us. Not that they mean to all the time, but family has a good way of throwing our past in our faces. (can I get an amen?!) They bring up things that are long gone in our minds. They press buttons that we forgot were even there. They can say the exact thing that will set us off.
As much as my family can do that to me, I have to realize that I can do the same thing to them. I look at my sister and remember some of her most embarrassing moments. I look at my brother and I can remember some of the mean things that he used to do to us girls. And I can look at my other sister and remember all the stupid things she said rashly that she wished she could take back. I see all of that, but those memories are not who my brother and sisters are today. They have grown, they have matured, and they have changed.
In our families we must allow for growing room. We have to allow and even help each other to grow. Many times we are the very thing that is pulling each other back to square one. We keep each other down by reminding each other of all the "used to be's." We need to be helping each other, and when we realize that we have struck a cord, step back, ease up. Allow for the change to come out in their lives and accept the change. This can be a difficult thing to do, but it is beneficial and it is healthy.
If we want to not just be a part of their past, but also their future, we have to be a part of the change.
P.S. Who do you think I look like? Just curious, I get mixed opinions. :D