Waiting for Answers

Last night was a sleepless night.

Maybe it was for you too, but for other reasons.

The sound of the phone ringing at that time is always filled with anxious and unsettling suspicion. Phones aren’t supposed to ring at that time. All is imagined to be quiet and at peace, for the night at least. But the phone rang. Again and again.

A familiar voice comes over the phone with news and a call to prayer. So we do. We pray. After all, God created us so He can fix us. Faith united. Faith multiplied. He is able.

“But is He willing?” we ask ourselves. Yes, He is willing. He already paid for our healing on the cross.

“But will He do it?”

My uncle left us. No, he didn’t leave us, he just beat us. In Christ, we are all on the same journey. We all have the same destination. Uncle Bill just beat us to that destination. He is at the appointed rendezvous, and we will meet him there.

“Hello?”

“He is gone.”

(long pause)

 “I am so sorry, Eva.”

“God is still good.”

“Yes He is.”

Has there ever been such a short but lasting conversation? God is still good.

It seems to me the greatest feeling of loss may not come from some prolific person we watched in amazement. It’s not the powerful voice we reverenced. It’s the person that may not have attracted your attention by their presence, but someone you were always glad to have among you. It’s the person who didn’t claim to have all the answers, but someone you loved listening to. The person who was there all along and you expected it to stay that way.

Our loss is great.

There are thoughts that keep you awake, that seem too heavy to bear. The thought of the wife he went ahead of, the son and daughter he left behind, the grandchildren he loved. Everyone left with the same questions, “why?”  “What now?”

For me, it’s the thought of family without him. Is there such a thing? Post-Christmas rook games with an empty chair at the table. The sarcastic comments. The deep laughter. The jokes that I only caught onto when I got a little older. The encouragement that he offered me and the phrase he would always say before leaving a family gathering, “I’m proud of you kiddo.”

Yes, last night was a sleepless night.

Every time things happen that I don’t understand, nor want to accept, this song immediately plays in my mind. We don’t know or understand why, but somewhere down the road there will be answers.

Job 1:21

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Isaiah 55:8-13

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

¹⁰ “The rain and snow come down from the heavens
    and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the grain to grow,
    producing seed for the farmer
    and bread for the hungry.
¹¹ It is the same with my word.
    I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to,
    and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
¹² You will live in joy and peace.
    The mountains and hills will burst into song,
    and the trees of the field will clap their hands!
¹³ Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.
    Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up.
These events will bring great honor to the Lord’s name;
    they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”